Rapture Recipes

So, we’ve all heard about the whack-a-doodles who think the rapture is coming tomorrow. If you’re a believer, it’s a bit late in the piece to be issuing invitations for a rapture party. On the other hand, if you’re a member of the reality based community, you probably have a lot more time to shop and prep for this more than slightly irreverent menu.

Welcome your guests with a Zombie Cocktail and drink to those whose “spirits” are destined to remain on earth.

By 6pm sharp, regardless of your time zone(!), the more pious of your guests will have shuffled off this mortal coil. Hell, that just means more food for the rest of you! Cheer up those who remain and help give props to those who’ve just galloped off to Heaven by way of Angels on Horseback: Bacon-wrapped Oysters.

A suitably effervescent cocktail to accompany this is The Benediction.

A gently chilled soup makes a nice first course, and echoes the chill that is likely to be running down your spine as you realize that the doomsayers were right all along. (If not, feel free to heat the damned soup up.) Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato Soup carries any number of biblical allusions (some say the tomato was Eve’s Apple, after all).

For a main course that nods subtly toward those in the (now largely empty) Southern U.S., Ham in Coca-Cola: Tell your butcher that the ham must come from the pig’s Left Behind. (Rimshot) Thank you! I’ll be here all week! Or will I?

Beer goes well with pork, and what could be more appropriate than Quebec’s own La Fin du Monde (the end of the world)? As a side, sauteed broccoli rabe with red chili and lemon strikes bitter, sour, and hot notes that give culinary voice to your stinging regret. For a starch, recall Lot’s salty Wife with delicious Potatoes Baked in a Salt Crust.

For dessert, we’re having trouble coming up with anything more apt than this rather involved Heaven and Hell Cake, which bears a striking resemblance to the Gateau Opera that we made a few weeks ago and will blog about soon.

If there is a soon, that is.

One response

  1. Not sure I agree with your police work there regarding the apple in the garden of eden being a tomato. Tomatoes are from the new world.

    Then again, Jesus is a common Mexican name, and I’ve never heard it anywhere but North America…

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